Years ago, I stood in front of my bellydance teacher at the time and I said, “there’s something fierce inside of me and I need you to help me get it out.” His response “slow down there, killer.”
I mean, you could say he killed my confidence with that response. It wasn’t that I was a confident dancer and I had the balls to say that to my teacher. Like I said, I was confident there was something in me.
It has been in me since I was born. A lot of rebellion. A lot of anger. A lot of push back. A body that loves music and being with it, the beat, and training my skill. I was a perfectionist, no doubt. I loved to practice.
But, even with that fierce thing inside me, on the outside it never really expressed well. At the time of my fierce confession, I was 260 pounds. I just had my second child. I was the biggest I ever was and wasn’t moving well in my body. Not only because I was a tired mom, but I didn’t feel beautiful, and was not conditioned to move 260 pounds well. I danced like I had two left feet. I was not connected to movement and my body – my mind was in the way. I was always super analytical. Visual doesn’t work well for me. I’m mental. I like to really understand things, deeply – perfectly, like the perfectionist I am.
It’s no wonder why that teacher never brought the fierce thing out. And let me tell you, that fierce thing that was trapped inside me for many more years to come caused all kinds of health issues too – mainly autoimmune issues.
I even quit belly dancing for a while and thought “what’s the use? I’ll have to find a different hobby or activity to get this fierce thing that wants to kick ass out of me.”
And then, as magic would have it, there in my YouTube feed was Oreet dancing. “Holy shit! She has that fierce thing in her.” From one fierce monster to another, we were attracted to each other’s vibe. I didn’t think this woman would tell me “slow down killer,” I thought “she is killer!”
For more research, I watch Oreet teach classes on YouTube and boom! Her students look as fierce.
Now we were really talking my love language.
Empowered. Strong. Energy.
Even if that’s not what I was at the time, that’s what I WANTED.
So, without taking a class, without even a smidge of a second thought, I signed up for her teacher training. Like I didn’t just want the thing for myself. I knew my struggle to get that fierce killer expression wasn’t just a “me” issue. I knew other women especially were struggling to get that part out.
It’s more than 10 years later now, and I’ve taught countless women how to be fierce. I myself lost 110 pounds and move well in my body today. I can’t say the autoimmune issue is gone, BUT I’ve gone through many years of remission and always get to some type of clearing eventually and back to my full energy. (I learned patience with my process – which included calling in the people who would keep me small and stuck and how to have the strength to find the right people without feeling guilty I betrayed a teacher who couldn’t give me what I wanted.)
So I don’t know about you- if you struggle with guilt, anger, sadness, being too small or too big, yet know without a doubt there is something in you that is meant to be seen and heard in this world- if you’d be brave like me and follow that emotional impulse?
You know, the one that’s here to save your life by killing all the things that want to keep you trapped?
Ready to let your animal out of the cage in 2024? The SharQui Instructor Academy might be the one to set that fierce beauty free.
Then, we can be shaking our beauty together.
Lions, tigers, and bears…. And beautiful belly dancers… oh my! That’s the way down the yellow brick road and the Wizard that lives inside of you!
Happy 2024 my fierce ones, begging to get out! May this be the year!
Lots of love,
Marisa
Master Instructor and Director of Professional Development of SharQui